Farblondzhet
by Rin O' Gen
Summary: Kakashi wasn't sure how he ended up in this world. But he did know that the only connection he had to his own world was the apartment he landed in, the book he found, and the angry woman that wants nothing to do with him. Aberration in reverse. KakashixOC
1. The Intruder

Full Summary: **Hatake Kakashi wasn't sure how he ended up here, in a world with machines that roared as they moved and exploded and flew and people that spoke languages he'd never heard of. But he did know that the only connection he had to his own world was the apartment he landed in, the book he found, and the cantankerous young woman that wants nothing to do with the strange man that invaded her home. Too bad he isn't giving her a choice. Aberration in reverse; a short series in the modern adventures of the ninja and his reluctant host. KakashixOC**

Okay, for those of you looking at this story and thinking WTF, this is a sort of companion piece to my other story Aberration. Sort of. Because this is only a light-hearted attempt at humor and a side indulgence for the Aberration fans that complain about not having enough Kakashi and Rae interactions. If you haven't read Aberration, then you probably won't like it even a little nor really get some of it.

In other words, not to be taken seriously. Just shut up and read it and leave.

Enjoy.

* * *

If Rae had known that bringing home a manga book would have such consequences, she might have spat in the face of the woman behind the counter of the bookstore who had recommended it. Really, she had been looking for a good romance novel that apparently didn't exist, and the woman had started chatting about her daughter and the books she loved to read. This somehow ended up in the dark-haired woman purchasing the first volume in the Naruto series and, upon returning to her small apartment, tossing it on the couch without another thought. Then she ate dinner, set her alarm, and went to bed.

In all, nothing to indicate anything out of the ordinary. Except she was woken in the middle of the night by a loud crash and she shot up in her bed, fumbling around for a light and a can of pepper spray she kept in her dresser. Both items in hand, Rae cautiously walked down the hall, freezing at the sight in her living room.

A tall, shadowy figure was bent over her couch. In the pale moonlight shining through the window she almost swore the top of his head was a ghostly white. At her approach the figure whirled, revealing a masked man with one dark and and one blood-red eye that gleamed unnaturally.

Rae swallowed and took a step back. "W-What do you think you're doing?" She demanded, holding up the spray threateningly. "Get out!" His mismatched eyes narrowed, the object in his hands seeming to disappear.

"Anata dare?" A low voice growled. Rae stared for a moment until he took a step forward. "Anata dare?" She stuttered, memories of the language scattering in the wake of terror.

"Who... Who are you?" She struggled with the Japanese. "Do... Do not stay! Leave!" Not exactly the greatest dialect in the world, but she hoped he got the message. He glared coldly for a moment before he was suddenly gone, leaving Rae to fumble with the light switch until the room was illuminated. There was no trace that the man had been there, no sign of the crash she had heard, and as she made a quick inventory of her possessions, she noted that the only thing missing was the manga book she had purchased.

"... I hope he gets an infected paper cut."

The next few days passed without too much incident. Rae went to her two jobs, went home, and realized there was a small bloodstain on her couch that hadn't been there before. She stared at it for a long moment before deciding her mysterious intruder had been bleeding. Good. Except when she scrubbed at it with a wet rag and cleaners there was still a faint brown mark on the light-colored couch and she again wished bodily harm on both the man and his soon-to-be corpse.

Just a few days later, there was a dog. Rae knew she had gotten lucky with her secretary job. It had better pay than most part-time jobs and wasn't terribly demanding or taxing. Except there were days when the only thing to do was stare blankly at the wall and idly wonder what it would look like if she threw a pencil at it. Or several.

"Kuroda!" Rae jerked in her chair, nearly falling as the pencil in her hand clattered to the floor. She bent to pick it up and swore as her head hit the desk, sitting up with a scowl.

"What?" She snapped, rubbing the tender area.

"Don't get that tone with me!" Her boss, a short, round woman with red hair called from her front office. "And get that mutt out of here before I fire you!"

"Mutt?" Rae blinked and leaned over the front of her desk with a frown, only to feel her afternoon brighten considerably.

A short, brown pug with a strange headband and vest sat before the desk, staring at her blankly as her scowl melted away. "Hey there," She said softly, standing from her chair. "Where did you come from?" The pug regarded her for a moment before yawning. Rae sighed and walked around the desk, bending down and scooping up the animal. It wriggled in protest as she walked out the front door, setting it down and nodding firmly. "Go find your owner." She pointed down the street. "You're cute and I love animals, but this isn't the best place for you with the angry dwarf. Go home." Then she walked back inside the building, closing the door behind her and stopping short.

The dog was back in front of her again, what looked to be a canine version of a scowl on its face as Rae blinked owlishly. "... I think I'm going to head home early." Her voice came out slightly strangled, but she didn't care.

"That's coming from your paycheck!" Was the called reply as Rae walked out the door and down the street. Every time she looked back, the pug was following with a cross look. She walked aimlessly for an hour until she gave up and walked home, stopping in front of her door.

"Okay, dog." She snapped, folding her arms and glaring at the animal. "At first it was kind of cute, but now it's just creepy! Do something other than..." She waved a hand at his blank stare. "That!"

The pug yawned.

"Argh!" Rae yanked open her door, not even bothering to slam it as she watched the dog walk in and jump on the couch as if it owned the place. She threw her hands up, sighing heavily. "If you have an accident, I'm calling the pound." She growled. The pug snorted and flopped its head on the side of the couch. Rae scowled before her brow furrowed and she stepped forward, picking up a strange white object that sat on the couch. It felt like a hard, thick cloth between her fingers as she held up what appeared to be some sort of clothing. There were two shoulder straps on what looked to be some sort of heavy vest as she turned it over in bewilderment.

It slipped from her hands as she processed the long slash on the other side and the dried blood splattered around it. Rae stared at it for a long moment before there was a hand on her shoulder and she shrieked, snatching the attached arm and whirling with her leg stretched out. Her foot was snatched midair as the arm twisted and grabbed her own.

She found herself staring into a single dark eye before she yelled.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOME!" She bit down on his arm as hard as she could, grabbing the hand on her leg when the intruder hissed in pain and released her arm. Swing her knee up, she just missed his crotch as he moved back with both eyes wide.

"Nande-"

"Out, out OUT!" Rae yelled, lunging for his head. The next thing she knew she was suddenly on the ground, strong wire holding her knees to her chest and her arms behind her as his hand slapped over her mouth. She blinked before struggling again, trying desperately to bite his hand as she kicked her feet, throwing herself to the side.

"What do you want?" She demanded into his hand, glaring as fiercely as she could while trying not to break down. He was panting for breath as he bent down and picked her up, all but throwing her on the couch.

"Man, Kakashi," The pug suddenly spoke up in a gruff Japanese voice. "She really gave you a run for your money."

"Now _now_, Pakkun." The man growled back as Rae's eyes threatened to bug out of her head. "Now look, I don't want to hurt you-" He began, hand slipping away before Rae bit it with all the panic-induced strength she could muster. "Kuso!" She didn't let go even when he jerked back, though his other hand pried her jaw open with monstrous strength and she settled for spitting at him.

"I don't know you," She snarled in Japanese. "But get out! Trespasser! Thief! The second I'm free I'm calling the police! I hope you trip over your own feet into a ravine full of venomous snakes and die a slow and painful death!" The dog began snickering as the man sighed in exasperation, cradling his hand to himself as he wiped off his arm.

"I'm not a thief." He said firmly. "And I apologize for entering your home without permission-"

"I hope your corpse sinks to the bottom of the ocean and burns in hell!"

"-But I needed to talk to you." He finished calmly, ignoring her outburst. "I don't know how I got here, but you were the first person I saw and the only one I could find that speaks my language." Rae took in shuddering breaths as she processed his words, brow furrowing in confusion.

"Who are you?" She demanded at length, looking him over more carefully. He was wearing dark, baggy pants and a sleeveless shirt with the same mask over his lower face. His left eye was closed with a vertical scar over it, strange silver-colored hair dripping water on a towel draped over his shoulders. "You used my shower?"

"My name is Hatake Kakashi, jounin shinobi of Konohagakure." He seemed to be watching her for some kind of reaction, but she only stared back blankly.

"What do you want?" She repeated, feeling ill.

"I just want to talk." Kakashi said in a firm tone as he undid the metal bindings in quick motions. Rae jerked back from his hands, eyes narrowed as he sighed. "I'm a ninja, Rae-san. But I don't know how I got in your apartment nearly a week ago."

"How stupid do you think I am?" Rae growled. "I'll admit you're sneaky, but so is my landlord. There's no such things as ninjas."

"There may be no ninjas here," He walked over to a pile of bags in the corner, picking up a familiar book. "But there are in here." Naruto. She squinted her eyes at the book. Didn't that woman say it was about ninjas? He flipped open the book to a chapter that Rae blinked at.

"Hatake Kakashi." She read out loud as he handed her the book. She flipped through it, seeing a remarkable resemblance between the ninja in the book and the man watching her intently. Or as much as one could with eighty percent of his face covered and crazy spiky hair. She snorted as the book-Kakashi was pelted with a chalkboard eraser, his first words to the group being that he hated them.

"None of that happened." The man suddenly said, looking troubled. "I know who two of those children are, but from what I can see I'm giving them a test for a genin team. They're too young for that." Rae flipped through the book a bit more (why had that woman recommended this? It looked kind of obnoxious) before scoffing.

"So you cosplay." She deadpanned, snapping the book shut. "And you're insane." He looked frustrated.

"How can I prove my story?" He demanded, running a hand through his hair.

"Get back in the book." She snapped, tossing it back at him. "I probably still won't believe you, but I'll be happy."

"So would I." Kakashi retorted, clenching the book in his hand. "I want nothing more than to return to where things make sense."

"Well what am I supposed to do about it?" Rae threw up her hands. "Even if you _are_ telling the truth, what can I do? I'm not a magician!" There was a moment where it was obvious he was trying to bore a hole through her and she was willing him and his problems to combust with her own stare.

"... Regardless," He said at length, though he seemed somewhat subdued as he let the book relax in his hand. "You and this apartment are the only connections I have. You were the one with the book."

"I didn't even read it!" Rae wished she hadn't even bought it now. "What are you going to do now? I don't know if you're a crazy fan or some kind of transporting ninja, but you can't stay here!" There was a moment of silence.

"Yes, I can." Kakashi then picked up the vest on the couch and tossed it in the corner as he pulled the towel off his shoulders, casually drying off his hair as she gaped openly.

"I'm calling the police!" She snapped, standing and marching to the phone on the wall. She dialed 911 and waited as she turned to see his reaction.

She nearly dropped the phone. Kakashi was completely gone, his belongings and dog vanished with him.

"_911, what is your emergency?_" Rae stuttered out a noise.

"... Sorry." She squeaked at length. "Little cousin trying to call for Santa, silly little thing. Won't happen again." She slammed the receiver down, rubbing at her eyes. Suddenly he was back, still drying his hair with the pug lazing on the couch.

"I don't know who these police are," Kakashi said nonchalantly as she stared. "But I don't think they'll appreciate if they came and I'm not here, not a single trace let behind." His eyes crinkled in an infuriating indication of a smile. "That would make you seem crazy or something." Rae's expression went blank as she tried to come up with some kind of comeback, mind fizzling into nothing.

"... If that dog craps on my carpet, you clean it up." She spat, storming into the kitchen.

"I'm an elite ninja hound!" The pug growled, sounding peeved.

"And I'm an elite paper processor! I just have less hair!" She retorted, yanking open her refrigerator. "And both of you stay out of my bedroom dammit!" She rummaged around before concluding she would need to go to the store soon.

"So what's for lunch?" Rae nearly jumped out of her skin as she spun, eyebrow twitching as Kakashi stood behind her, leaning against the doorway with a devil-may-care expression.

"No sneaking!" She snapped, shaking a spoiled celery stick at him. "Make damn noise when you move!"

"That would defeat the purpose of being a ninja." His eye sparked in amusement as she scowled before shoving the food back, closing the fridge and storming to the pantry. "But I haven't eaten for a while. What's for lunch?"

"I don't care what you're eating, but I'm eating this." She held up a can of soup as his eyebrow raised.

"... Is that food?"

"It's called easy food." She tossed to him with a sigh when his stomach growled loudly. If he was going to eat her food, she might as well show him what wasn't going to kill him. It wouldn't go down very well cleaning a dead guy from her apartment. He caught it with a bewildered expression as she pulled out another can. "I need to go to the store. I'm running out." She muttered, grabbing a bowl before a strange noise made her turn.

Kakashi was holding a strange knife as he stabbed the top of the can, ripping off the lid and eying the condensed chicken noodle soup critically. Before Rae could say anything he pulled his mask away, still hiding his face, tipping the can so the slimy insides poured where his mouth was.

She felt rather ill when he put down the empty can, grimacing as he adjusted his mask. "That was terrible." He said bluntly, picking up the can to inspect it. "And I'm fairly sure unhealthy. Are you sure these are for humans? Pakkun eats better than _this_." Rae regarded the can in her own hand for a long moment before sighing and throwing it in the trashcan.

"Who wants Chinese?"

The next day was a free day for Rae and she took a bus to the store, grumbling about stupid men ruining what had once been a perfectly good food arrangement. He had rejected most of her cheap, sugary cereals for breakfast much in the same way and she still went ill at the thought of Frosted Flakes. Or rather what his dog (Pakkun, the pug had growled) had done to the box with the grinning tiger on it.

"Strange mode of transportation." She jumped and whirled at the familiar voice, but the silver-haired masked man was nowhere in sight. "Is this where you usually purchase your so-called food?" A dark-haired man with a plain face and a brown sweater regarded the store before them critically. "I can smell the contamination from here."

"... Kakashi?" Rae sputtered as the man turned and winked at her.

"Just making sure my gracious host doesn't die of food poisoning." He chirped, walking forward and testing a shopping cart with a curious look before spinning it and pushing it into the store.

He crashed it into an orange stack almost instantly. The disguised man stared at the scattered fruit before shrugging and walking away with the cart, pulling out stray oranges that had fallen into it and tossing them away nonchalantly.

"That fruit smelled terrible." He commented as a nearby store worker made noises of distress at the mess. "I think there's something wrong with it." Rae rubbed her temples as Kakashi browsed the store, making faces at almost everything he saw before at length he shoved away the empty cart with a sour look.

"This store sells nothing but poison." He growled. She watched the cart crash into a stack of cans before sighing heavily.

"... I think there's a farmer's market a few blocks from here every Saturday." She said as they watched the same worker from before wail in frustration before turning to yell at Kakashi. Kakashi stared back blankly before walking away with Rae, leaving the man to turn red and clean up the chaos they'd left behind.

By the time they returned to her apartment, bags of Kakashi-approved food in their arms, Rae was ready to attempt harm on the man again. Or call the police just to give him any kind of trouble. She pulled out the fruits and vegetables she had bought, glancing at the meat and bread he was unloading.

"You know, I don't know what to do with all this." She grumbled, eying the cabbage in her hands.

"Learn to cook." Kakashi picked the vegetable from her hand before unwrapping the fish he'd bought. "You'll live longer."

"Not with you screwing with my head." She muttered darkly, though watching in fascination as he pulled a knife from the drawers and a pan, expertly slicing the fish into pieces and spreading them in the frying pan. She'd had all the cooking tools for her friend, who would occasionally come over and cook for her. And nag about how she couldn't eat microwaveable food her entire life.

As he washed the knife and pulled up various vegetables, Rae sat in the kitchen chair and watched him. It was strange, seeing a man cook in her kitchen, with his dog snoozing on her couch and what little possessions he had in her living room.

"How old are you?" She suddenly asked as the smell of the cooked meal went through her home. He added spices he'd bought and shrugged.

"Twenty-one." Rae stared for a moment before standing and going to the living room, grabbing the book and flipping through it as she walked back. He turned to watch her as she hmmed in discovery.

"It says you're twenty-six in here." She skimmed to the beginning, staring at the picture of the giant fox for a long moment. "... I'm, uh, sorry about biting you." She mumbled, closing the book. She didn't quite look up as he turned, instead focusing on his sandaled feet. Weird. "I mean, you were intruding but you didn't actually attack me and I really freaked out on you." He was silent for a moment.

"... You have really sharp teeth." Rae blinked and looked up. "Did you get them filed, or were you born with them like that?" She scowled.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" She snapped. "I didn't do anything to make them sharp- And I just apologized, asshole!"

"You are forgiven." Kakashi returned to his work. "I'd apologize myself, but I'm fairly confident in my own reasons."

"Jackass."

"Aren't you just fond of profanity? I'm surprised your tongue hasn't fallen out of your mouth yet." His eyes creased as he turned to smile. Rae snorted, but had to admit he was at least interesting. "On that note, I'm surprised your stomach hasn't disintegrated either. Why are all the store-bought foods _contaminated_?"

"It's called preservatives. And hormones. Most farmers inject them in the food."

"Poison."

"It's edible, dammit!"

"People in this society have brains of mush and stomachs of iron. Who would want to put _hormones_ in naturally grown food?"

"..."

"... Well?" Rae's head hit the table.

"I have no idea."

She had a good idea it was only going to get more interesting from here on out.

* * *

I don't know about you, but if I saw _anyone_ down a can of condensed soup (the kind you have to pour water in and heat up) I'd probably never eat another one again. Just so you know. And ninja logic is amazing.

As for why I'm posting this, just because. I have just wasted five minutes of your life. If you want more, wait for the next likely-just-as-short chapter. If not, then back away slowly.

Peace out.

Another note: The whole calling Santa thing is a true story, by the way. Aren't four-year-olds just so cute?

Another another note: The title is Yiddish for 'hopelessly lost'. No, I don't know how to pronounce it either.


	2. The Theif

Ha... Hello. Been a bit, but oh well. I didn't expect people to actually... I don't know, _read_ this.

But then I probably shouldn't underestimate the Kakashi fans out there. I know I'm one of them myself. For those who are Aberration fans, that story will definitely come first, so don't worry! I'll have the next chapter up soon! Believe it!

Until then, enjoy the adventures of Hatake Kakashi, overly sensitive to bad atmospheres and likely-technophobe.

... Enjoy.

* * *

Hatake Kakashi sat on the faded couch with a sigh, book flipped open in his hand again to the first pages. He'd already read through the pages several times since he'd first appeared on the very couch he sat on, still bleeding from his mission and hitai-ate lost. His reading was a bit… impaired by the foreign language (Rae had called it 'English') but otherwise he got the gist of it. It was a story about his former sensei's son, who had apparently grown up to be an obnoxious little twerp, to put it nicely.

Kakashi sighed as he reached the end, with a picture of himself smiling out the pages and saying something to the three. Most likely what he'd told every wannabe genin he had tested thus far, based on their reactions. Pakkun then trotted in, shaking himself off.

"She keeps a nice bed." he announced, jumping up on the couch. "It smells like apples."

"Pakkun, you know we aren't allowed in her bedroom." He frowned at the rule-breaking. It was one of the few rules Rae had set up for their stay, having apparently decided that he would do whatever he wanted anyway. But he still liked to think he would be polite.

Even if he did note that Rae liked green apples; she had the shampoo to prove it. And the perpetual smell all over the apartment. "She told you to stay out of it." The pug snorted. "She's a sucker for animals though. Let me take a nap on her bed the other day." Kakashi had to chuckle at that. For such an grumpy person that fought tooth and nail against intruders in a blind panic, she was such a sap in the little things.

His hand was still stinging though, even after nearly a week. The woman had been apparently reluctant to go to her job- Though he was confused to learn she had two jobs. What for? If she wanted money, wouldn't she just work longer in _one_ of the jobs? Maybe he should ask… But then again, this world was just _strange_. It took hours to find any edible food, by edible he defined as something that didn't have suspicious ingredients.

And Rae had seemed so _confused_ when he complained of them. What kind of society didn't care about what they put about in their own bodies?

"Find out anything yet?" Pakkun grunted then, jarring him from his thoughts. Kakashi sighed again, letting the book snap shut and tossing it on the other side of the couch.

"I think I have it memorized by now." He stood, groaning as his back stretched and cracked. "It looks like a regular book though- Doesn't tell me anything." There was only so much one could do when confining one's self to a small apartment, after all. Maybe he had better start exploring the city…

But it _smelled_. He still couldn't get over that. Even opening the window made both eyes water as he held his nose. Wearing two masks for so long was uncomfortable even for him, and soon enough…

"The outside is dirty." The pug growled, curling himself up on the arm of the couch. "Even dirtier than those swamps you mucked me through- They don't _clean_ their streets. I picked up messes from _years_ ago." Which didn't help Kakashi's resolve that being outside would be better than being cooped up in here. He was going to get tan lines on his _face_, damn it all.

"We should really start widening our boundaries." He said with no small amount of reluctance, shoulders sagging. "Start finding out what we can on this place."

"What do you mean _we_?" Pakkun frowned at him. "You aren't the one that is walking around without any protection- What if I pick up some mutant disease?"

"Why don't you ask our gracious host for little baggies then." Kakashi rolled his eye, pulling his mask back up. "Something tells me she'd tie them on for you without a problem." A growl followed him into the kitchen, where he picked through the leftovers with a grimace. Edibles already running low- How had this woman survived all the way to… How old was she?

Maybe learning just a little more about their host would be helpful, Kakashi thought as he shut the refrigerator. For all he knew, she had picked up that defiance from younger years of a criminal lifestyle. Her bedroom could contain poison or weaponry of any manner- Hadn't she come out of there that first night with a strange spray in her hand?

If he left, she might come back and take _his_ stuff—He needed to learn her schedule. He _could_ leave Pakkun to guard it, but…

"I need to start doing some exploring." He mused out loud, going back to the living room and grabbing up his clean spare shirt. It was dry as he pulled it over his head, shaking out his hair into its usual mess of a style. "You can stay behind and guard, hime."

"You aren't going out there without backup, are you?" Pakkun demanded as he pulled on his shoes. "What if you run into enemies?"

"This is a civilian-based society." Kakashi rolled his eye as he strapped on his gear. "I doubt there'll be anything I can't handle."

"It could be a cover." The pug growled suspiciously. "For all we know there are weaponry unlike anything we've ever seen- What if-"

"I'll take Guruko if you're so worried." The Hatake pulled his mask into its usual place after biting his thumb, forming the proper seals and putting his hand to the ground. A small tan animal sat in the living room, black floppy ears cocked curiously and tan muzzle sniffing about. The dog whimpered then, sneezing furiously. "It's alright, Guruko." Kakashi sighed, bending down and removing the animal's hitai-ate and vest. On a second thought he instead tied the headband around his neck as a collar. "It's a little smelly, but just bear with it."

"You might want to wear baggies on your paws-"

"Not _now_, Pakkun." Pakkun sniffed as Kakashi walked towards the door, Guruko following with a measure of great reluctance.

"If he gets mutant diseases, _you're_ the one who gets to clean up after him!" He called, but the door only slammed shut. The pug tilted his head, waiting. He snorted as the dog then gave a howl of dismay, obviously horrified by the outside. "Serves him right for taking the little one." He growled, laying back on the couch. "Poor kid. Won't last a day."

**

* * *

**Kakashi walked down the street with a grimace under his masks, Guruko emitting a quiet whimper every few minutes. He sent the dog a look and he instantly sobered, though his light muzzle was still in a grimace of its own.

The outside was definitely dirty, the shinobi thought as he sidestepped a suspicious puddle. He wasn't even going to bother smelling it. There were colorful objects implanted every block or so on the sidewalk, lined by red markings. Transportation machines seemed to be scarce around these areas, he noted. Guruko sniffed at one of the red objects and woofed his distaste, trotting back to Kakashi's side with a growl.

The people were just… strange. Colorful, both in clothing and skin, and sending him strange looks as if _he_ were odd. Kakashi stared right back at them, inwardly wondering what the purpose was of those strange little devices they constantly pressed buttons on or the strange clothing which seemed to be stylized beyond any logical purpose. One woman gave him a strange sideways glance and picked up her device, talking into it as if it were a person. As he stared he eventually concluded it was a mechanical radio, just with several extra buttons. The woman noticed his stare and lowered the device, demanding something in a shrill voice.

Kakashi ignored her and walked away, Guruko growling a warning at the woman. He was swatted at with a massive purse, which he grabbed and began tugging on. Kakashi quickly grabbed the little animal and pried it off the woman, who was screeching words at him now and shaking the device in his face.

She screamed when he shunshined away, Guruko in his arms. Kakashi landed in an alley, setting down the dog with a disciplinary cuff. "Don't antagonize." He scolded the animal, who whimpered quietly. He was the newest of the pack, still being trained to behave properly. But he was invaluable in his work, having been born with an extremely keen sense of smell that was second only to Pakkun.

And he had a very powerful bite. Kakashi scratched his ears once Guruko had decided his actions were bad, letting the dog lick his fingers with a whimper. Both ignored the three men that peered in the alley, exchanging words before walking up to them.

"_Give us your money!_" Kakashi straightened at the foreign language, but the head man was demanding the same sentence again with his coat pocket pointing at him strangely. After a moment he concluded there was something _in_ his pocket that he was threatening to pull out.

"… What's in there?" He asked curiously, pointing at the pocket. The man growled something as the two men behind him looked around, but no one was nearby. So the first man pulled out a small black object, with a handle and a rectangular end hollowed out to form a tube. The end was pointed at Kakashi as he inspected this device, noting the tiny knob that his finger was poised on precariously. "What is it?" He asked, and the man seemed to give a start before saying something to the others.

One of the men reached in his own pocket, pulling out… a wallet? His pointed to the wallet, saying a word. "_Wallet._" Kakashi repeated with some difficulty, brow furrowed in confusion. Was that what it was called in this… English?

"Wallet."

"Waaret?"

"Wa. Let."

"Wah. Lret." Kakashi pulled out his own wallet, pointing to it. "Wah-lret?" As one the men nodded, and the man with the device pointed it at his head with one hand and held out the other in a fairly universal term.

Gimme.

"Oh." Kakashi blinked, pointing at the wallet and to the man, who nodded impatiently. They wanted his money. "No." He shook his head, putting the wallet away. Guruko growled threateningly at the man, who began to shout the word.

"Wallet! _Give me the_ wallet!"

"Iie."

"Wallet!" Kakashi watched as the man pointed the device to the side of his head, pulling on the little knob.

There was a loud explosion that made him jump with a start, ears ringing. The men were shouting something as he held his ringing ear, but he couldn't hear any words as he turned and surveyed the damage to the wall. A small hole was burrowed in the brick, the surrounding area cracked with mild powder marks.

He finally concluded that the device was very dangerous.

"_Idiot! Don't actually __**shoot**__-_"

"_He wasn't giving it!_"

"_So you wanna be charged for murder? Huh?_"

"_If he's gonna be here, he ought to speak English!_" Kakashi watched the device point again at his head as Guruko snarled a warning, but the men were still arguing with wide and panicked eyes. Without a second thought he pulled out a kunai, jamming it into the first man's radial nerve.

The device dropped to the ground as the man howled in pain. The other two were on him, but all it took was pointing the kunai at them and Guruko baring his rather prominent teeth for the three men to run off, one of them throwing something down.

Kakashi put away the kunai and picked up the device, tossing it away after a quick inspection. Dangerous indeed. He picked up the other object, going through it as Guruko sniffed at the hole in the wall.

"… Wah-lret." He concluded, eying the green bills of paper inside- Lots of them. Local currency?

Well, he was getting hungry anyway.

**

* * *

**"Rae!" Rae yelped as she toppled off the stool, the boxes in her arms spilling everywhere. A young woman with brown hair stomped up to her, face flushed and fists clenched. "Get out here!"

"A little busy, Claire." Rae ground out, slowly sitting up and gathering the boxes again. "What's wrong?"

"There's some _moron_ out there with his dog!" The girl cried, pointing to the door that led into the store. "He doesn't speak English and he won't go away- I told him we don't allow pets in here and he picks up his dog and sets it on the counter! It growls when I try to move it and he speaks some other language! I think he's Chinese or something because he's just-"

"Wait, does he have grey hair?" Claire paused, nodding profusely. "Only one eye open, dark mask over his face?"

"I think he's some kind of robber!" Rae handed the boxes to the girl, growling under her breath.

"Wait here." Claire looked worried as the woman stormed through the door, but she zeroed in on the tall man meticulously picking through shirts with a frown under his mask. "You!" Kakashi blinked, looking over at her.

"Rae-san?" He asked curiously as she walked up to the counter, where a young dog with a strange collar growled at her. "Easy, Guruko. She's a friend." And then the dog was all tail wags and smiles as Rae leaned over the counter to scowl.

"What are you doing here?" She demanded in Japanese as Kakashi picked up a pile of clothing, setting it on the counter.

"I was walking around and wanted to buy some clothes." He chirped, fishing around in the pack on his back. "I didn't know you worked here."

"I didn't know you had two dogs." Rae retorted, but she couldn't help petting the little animal as she spoke. It had a mass of floppy fur between its ears that almost resembled its master's, and it looked pleased when she ruffled it out. "Does he talk?"

"Not Guruko." Kakashi pulled out a wallet, rooting through it. "He's the newest of the pack. Still training him." After a thought he held out the entire wallet. "Could you count this out for me?" Rae took the wallet, opening it and finding a driver's license. It obviously was someone else.

"… Kakashi," She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Whose wallet is this?"

"I don't know." Kakashi scratched the back of his head with a sheepish eye-curve. "See, there were these men and they had this strange device. They kept saying something- I learned a new word, by the way. _Wah-lret_." Rae stared at him and then at the wallet.

"… Yes, that's the word for wallet." She said carefully, reaching out and scratching Guruko's ears. "Where did you learn it?"

"The men kept saying '_Geev me yohr wah-lret_' and pointing the thing at me. It exploded when he used it." Kakashi frowned, rubbing at his ear. "Does everything explode in this place? It was _loud_." She blinked slowly, comprehending what had happened.

She then began to snicker. And laugh. She laughed until her sides hurt and her lungs heaved for air, the dog seeming to sense her humor and wagging his tail jovially. But the man only looked annoyed when she finally recovered, wiping at the corner of her eyes.

"Kakashi," She bit her lip to stifle another laugh. "They were trying to _rob_ you."

"I figured that part out." Kakashi grumbled as Guruko licked her face. Traitor. "What was that device?"

"A gun." Rae idly pushed the animal down, though she scratched his collar. "It's pretty common around here. They'll kill you in an instant."

"I'm not stupid." He looked irritated now. "Can I just buy the clothes?"

"How did you end up with _their_ wallet?" Rae asked as she began to scan the clothing. He was pretty particular about organics- All of them were made with eco-friendly cloths.

"When I chased them out one of them dropped it. The woman at some sandwich place called them _dor-lrars_." She almost laughed again. Almost.

"Dollars." She corrected, pulling the correct change out of the wallet and handing it back to him. "Fine. Don't come back with the wallet part though- I don't want a police raid to end up at my place."

"Yes, Rae-san."

"Don't make too much of a scene either. You terrified my poor coworker."

"I thought she wanted me to get rid of Guruko." Rae let the little animal roll over on the counter, rubbing the offered belly.

"That doesn't equate to putting Guruko on the counter, Kakashi. Pets aren't allowed in here." Guruko woofed.

"He's an elite ninja hound." Kakashi muttered, taking the offered bag and watching as Rae cooed and melted his dog into the counter. "… Or he was, until you took his dignity."

"I'm just petting a very sweet dog." Rae couldn't keep the sugary note out of her voice though, bending over Guruko and scratching his sides. "Who's a sweet dog? Who's a _very_ sweet dog? Mmm, such a sweetie." Guruko licked her face, tongue lolling out of his mouth in heavenly delight as his tail wagged.

Kakashi turned and walked out the door without another word. Something told him his dog would be fine anyway.

****

**

* * *

**

"You're lucky I don't have my second job today." The door closed over Guruko's happy barks, but Kakashi didn't look away from the images. This thing… it was fascinating. Like a movie, but for home use. And it played constantly; when he pressed little buttons on the small device, there were _more_ movies on.

Currently he was watching some woman standing in front of the camera with two people beside her. They seemed to be telling some story, based on how one gesticulated wildly as he spoke and the other nodded vigorously in agreement. Pakkun had watched for half a minute before yawning in boredom, trotting off with a growl about speckled images and nonsensical devices. Kakashi only hoped that this particular device didn't explode as well.

"… Huh." Rae was beside him, watching the device herself. "Didn't take you for a TV junkie."

"TV?" Kakashi blinked, looking up. "The movies?" Rae blinked back.

"… This isn't a movie." She pointed to the screen. "It's the news. They're doing a story on…" She trailed off as she listened to the two men speak, one of them making a stabbing motion towards his own wrist. "… Kakashi."

"Yes, Rae-san?"

"Did you stab one of those men in the arm?" Kakashi blinked, looking up as Guruko gave a yip of agreement.

"How did you know?" She pointed to the screen again.

"These are two of the men." She pointed to the one speaking. "That's the guy whose wallet you took."

"Oh." Kakashi leaned forward on the couch, peering closely at the image. There were foreign words scrolling under the picture, but one of them was… somewhat familiar. "… Oh." What were they doing in a movie? And how did they film one so quickly about today?

"They're saying you attacked them and took their wallet." Rae continued, listening to the people speak intently. "And you spoke… Korean?" She pinched the bridge of her nose as he leaned around her to see the full picture. "Does _anyone_ know Japanese when they hear it?" She grumbled to herself, but he was watching the picture suddenly flash to the hospital. Oh, he recognized that guy. The angry one with the device. His arm was in a cast and he was talking to the camera, looking scared.

"_And he wouldn't stop saying 'Wallet! Wallet!' I think it was the only word he knew or something, and then he pointed the gun right at my head! Ben goes and throws his wallet at the guy, but then he stabs me with this knife and-_" Rae scowled and snatched the remote, but Kakashi put a hand on it before she could turn it off.

"Wait, what _is_ this?"

"It's a television." Rae watched his fascinated expression. "… You don't… have a TV?"

"We have movies. But never so many for home…" He reached out and poked the screen, feeling the static. "Is there some kind of signal in this?"

"… Yes." She cleared her throat. "And it's a zombifying signal." Kakashi looked up- Her tone was only half-joking. She met his gaze with a dead serious look. "People watch these things for hours at a time." She said ominously. "Turning them into mindless vegetables that rely on their favorite movie showing- We call them 'couch potatoes'. It's all they're good for, really." Kakashi considered this. He considered the television again, glancing at the clock- Holy—She was _right_. Three hours had passed without his noticing!

Televisions did explode, Kakashi discovered. Especially when thrown out a window and colliding with the sidewalk below. He watched the evil device shatter into a thousand pieces, people below yelling and looking up. He waved at them before shutting the window firmly, wiping his hands of television both figuratively and literally. Rae was still holding the remote, eyebrow twitching madly as he plucked it from her grasp, opening the window just a crack to let it follow the television.

Guruko sniffed at the area the television had once been while Pakkun jerked from his sleep with a snort, looking around. "Hm?" He grunted, snuffling the air. "What'd I miss? Who opened the window?" Kakashi gave his head a placating pat, picking up his forgotten purchases and carefully laying them out.

"Nothing at all." He announced, setting his own wallet out and placing the bills he'd removed from the other man's wallet in it. "I learned a new word today. _Wah-lret_." He waved his wallet in front of Pakkun, who watched with glazed disinterest.

"… You're so weird." And he went back to sleep. Rae finally seemed to snap from her daze, muttering English words under her breath and rubbing her temples. Guruko wagged his tail in front of her and she carefully sat down, picking up the animal and placing it in her lap.

"So," Kakashi chirped, folding his clothes in the piles he'd set out. "I found a small store- It doesn't sell a lot, but it does have good food. I brought some home for lunch. It's in the refrigerator now." He _had_ planned to cook it himself… Until the television had wasted _hours_ of his life he was never going to get back.

"… Goody." Rae mumbled, standing with Guruko in her arms and scratching his ears. "I… think I need a nap though." Then she set the dog on the couch and stalked to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Kakashi raised an eyebrow before shrugging and returning to his work, eying the forlorn Guruko.

"… I don't suppose you want some food?" And then he was happy again, Pakkun waking up himself at the magic word.

All the ninja training in the world just couldn't get rid of the 'dog' equation. Kakashi rolled his eye and went into the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out the box.

Rae only came out an hour later, if only to eat some of the food he had split with the dogs. He noted that she seemed much better than before- She had looked like she was about to explode then.

Her eyebrow twitched, but there was a small smile on her face when he handed her the dish and sat at the table. Guruko yipped happily at her return, making Pakkun roll his eyes and finish his meal quietly as Kakashi chuckled.

A strange world, but this apartment was at least a little more familiar. Especially now that the damned evil was gone.

"… Kakashi?"

"Yes, Rae-san?"

"What happened to my microwave?" He creased his eyes in smiles.

"I threw it out the window." He'd tried using it, putting a dish and spoon in it. It had sparked before bursting into flame.

It had probably hit someone on the way out the window, though he didn't say so. Just watched her eyebrow twitch again before she let her head thunk on the table. "Oh, I know that word." Kakashi suddenly said when she began muttering under her breath. "That young woman at your work said it many times. What does it mean?"

"Dumbass." She groaned into the table.

"…"

"…" Kakashi returned to his own meal.

"How rude."

* * *

A little sketchy about some parts, but oh well. Like I said before, don't take this too seriously.

Guruko is one of Kakashi's ninken- He's the smallest of the pack next to Pakkun. I don't know how Kakashi gets his ninken, but I'm assuming he trains them first. And Guruko is the puppy of the pack in this fic. Italicized words are words Kakashi can't understand or is saying in English. And he isn't so stupid as to let himself be shot by a gun without learning what it is at the very least. But is he a technophobe, or just cautious? Does he really care about stealing money if they were trying to steal from him first? Will the city have a new masked menace that steals from the robbers and buys from frustrated clerks?

Today's chapter has been brought to you by the word 'Wallet'. Also known as Wah-lret, for those with heavy Japanese accents. Be on the lookout for the next chapter of Aberration as well!

Peace out.


	3. The Intervention

*dies the moment she shows her face*

... Yeah. Um... Sorry? :D College. Being swamped. Not used to so many papers. Given my update rate in things I'm actually interested in, you guys can probably guess just how successfully I can write a ten page paper on atom bombs and American reforms. The answer? Not at all.

But this was just sitting here, so I got it to a passable ending point and decided to give you guys _something_. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up (hopefully once the semester ends) but in the meantime this is a treat! I hope.

So, fans of Aberration, do you remember that blonde girl from Rae's past? The one that gets so little screentime there? Well here she is! ... And yes, this is how she is in both stories.

Happy Thanksgiving! And Happy Katanakka!

Enjoy.

* * *

"The FUN has ARRIVED~!" The door slammed open. Kakashi paused in his potato peeling, the two dogs at his feet looking up in mild interest.

… Well, that definitely wasn't Rae. It was five in the morning; Rae didn't like mornings at all. This he learned when she had stumbled out at six one morning, late for some kind of request at work but far too grumpy to care. He'd learned to stay out of her way then; only Guruko could get within five paces of her without getting verbally chewed out. The dog was still there after five weeks, amazingly enough. One more mouth to feed, but good company.

But it was almost irking that the little animal had taken to their host to the point where he would go watery-eyed at the thought of being sent back to the summon realm. Kakashi would never admit to anyone alive, but his dogs were just about the closest thing he had to family. Years of training them grew a soft spot just for them, and he was particularly fond of puppies.

But now he was focused on the voice that was babbling English nonsense as it drifted around the apartment, somewhat scolding as he carefully crept out with the knife still in his hand. A tall, blonde woman around Rae's age picked up his pile of laundry with a frown, tossing it back with a sniff. She stalked over to the window and all but threw it open, and Kakashi instantly pulled up his mask with a grimace. Pakkun was already holding back a gag.

"_DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE!_" Kakashi frowned as the woman began to storm down the hall; she didn't seem like a burglar, but her words didn't sound friendly either. An enemy with some sort of bad intentions towards his hostess?

It was his business in that moment, stepping out of the kitchen with a cough. The woman whirled instantly, sea foam eyes wide as they took in his form. Her gaze dropped then to the knife in his hand that he twirled casually with a friendly smile.

It was when she began to scream that he made his move, tying her up and setting her on the couch in quick movements. He quickly tied a strip of cloth over her mouth, having learned from experience what women of this world would do to intruders. But this one looked more like she was about to cry, eyes already welling up in tears of fright as she screamed through the gag. Kakashi considered her a bit more thoroughly as he held her in place, frowning. She didn't seem like a thief or murderer… But then appearances were deceiving; as a shinobi, it was his very job.

Her purse was sitting on the couch as Pakkun walked in, giving the woman a sniff. Kakashi rummaged through it, but so far all he found were rather typical feminine objects and… Oh. He picked up a small device, turning it over in his hands curiously. It was one of those radio things he'd seen; the first he'd actually held however. He gave one of the buttons and experimental push, noting the dim sound it made.

Very strange. Guruko hopped up on the couch, large teeth bared at the blonde who was crying by now, whimpering unintelligible words.

"Who are you?" Kakashi asked her, eye narrowed as she stared with wide eyes. "How did you get in?" She gave no indication of understanding however, so he left the gag where it was.

Now what to do? The man considered this for all of two moments before shrugging, picking up his knife and walking back into the kitchen. He continued with the potatoes like nothing had happened, leaving the dogs to guard the woman. Rae would wake up later- she could call her so-called _po-lice_ or identify the woman. She was _probably_ a friendly, but…

Well, better safe than sorry. Kakashi hummed as he diced the potatoes in quick motions, setting them in the frying pan and walking to the refrigerator. He pulled out eggs as he listened to the woman's struggles slowly die down, though a growl from Pakkun told him she wasn't being completely compliant.

Rae didn't wake up for another half hour, her customary grumbles stopping short as he heard her stop at the living room. He braced himself as he heard what sounded like curses, along with the woman struggling again.

"Kakashi!" Kakashi sighed, setting the pan off the burner as he walked out. Rae was undoing the woman's bindings with a heavy scowl, face twitching.

"I thought she was a burglar," he only said, turning back to the kitchen as he watched the woman sob and hold Rae tightly, spilling out broken English words in a blubbering voice and likely telling all the horrible tales of how the masked man had violated her in every way imaginable.

Civilians. Kakashi snorted as he listened to Rae's placating voice; he could hear the obvious humoring in it. So dramatic. But when she called him again her voice was still angry and hard; he was in trouble, damn it all.

"Yo," he said as he walked out, watching the woman flinch and Rae sigh.

"Kakashi, this is Paige," she said, gesturing to the blonde. "She's a friend of mine- doesn't speak much Japanese. She has a key."

"Ah." Kakashi nodded in understanding as Rae began talking to the woman in English. He waved when he heard his name, but Paige glowered at him before snapping something in a hard voice. "… What is she saying?" Rae sighed quietly.

"She wants you to apologize." Kakashi blinked. He didn't think he had to apologize; his actions were justified. He thought he saw a burglar, so he tied her up. If anything, she should _thank_ him that he didn't kill her on the spot. Entering like that, going through his stuff, opening the _window_… "Just to placate her," Rae added when he didn't answer. "I know you were just trying to be helpful, but she's a pain if she doesn't get apologized to. Trust me." Well, as long as _someone_ knew he was in the right…

"How do you say 'sorry'?" he asked with a sigh, watching how that same strange look crossed the dark-haired woman's face. He couldn't figure out why it happened every time he asked for a translation; it was practical and sensible to ask and learn, so she shouldn't look like it partially amused her each and every time.

"_Sorry,_" Rae pronounced after a moment, enunciating the sounds. He watched her lip movements as she repeated the word, expression of intense concentration as he memorized the word.

"_Soh. Ree,_" Kakashi repeated carefully, and the expression grew until there was a ghost of a smile on her face. He ignored it. "_Sohrree._" He tried again, and she nodded in approval as he turned his gaze to the angry-looking blonde. "_Sohrree,_" he chirped in as light of a tone as he could manage, flashing a peace sign. She didn't look happy, but he turned and walked back into the kitchen with a shrug. Her happiness wasn't his problem.

But at least he learned another word in his growing vocabulary. Sorry.

… Not one he thought he'd be using all too often, but what the heck.

* * *

"I don't like him." Rae sighed through a bite of potato and egg, casting a glance to the blonde woman sitting beside her at the table.

Paige Harris was, in many ways, the complete opposite of Rae. Not only in just hair and eye coloring; she dressed far more extravagantly as well, bright colors that she splashed together in what she declared was an unappreciated form of true art. She was twenty-one, just a year older than Rae, and going to a nice college just miles outside the dirty little city.

And it was a habit of hers to storm into her apartment every chance she got, criticizing Rae's self-inflicted hermit status, her lack of a good job, her anti-social behavior, and most of all, her lack of good food.

Kakashi had gotten rid of most of those, though she didn't say so out loud. Because as far as Rae was concerned, the man was an usurper of her damn _happy_ life and she would be glad when he finally left. Though she would miss his cooking; he was a very good cook.

… And Guruko. Rae idly flicked a piece of egg off the table, not looking to confirm that Guruko had snapped it up with a look of glee on his doggy muzzle. So cute…

"I saw that." Kakashi didn't even look away from the dish he was washing. Rae scowled and continued eating, tuning back in to Paige's complaints.

"That mask! What is with that mask!" She glared sideways at the man. "I thought he was some kind of murderer- some sick, twisted _thing_ that cut you up and was cooking you in your own kitchen! It _could_ have happened because you-"

"Does _he_ count?" Rae retorted, scowl growing. "Because from what I saw, I would think I'm pretty safe from any intruders at the moment." Paige paused, then sighed suddenly, taking another bite of egg.

"I know, I know… You think I'm being annoying." She set down her fork and stood, a determined look on her face. "But that doesn't excuse this! Letting some _stranger_ come into your home and sleep on your couch- he could be some kind of fugitive, Rae! How did you even meet him?" He appeared in her home one day with his dog and told her he was staying. Rae's face didn't twitch outwardly, but she did consider telling this woman the truth just so she could take him off her hands.

But she could handle this. The thought brought a crease to her scowl. She didn't need Paige to go through _her_ life and tell her right from wrong, and she didn't need Kakashi to criticize her either!

"I forget," she growled, picking up the plate. Kakashi offered to take it but she stalked past him with a glower, forcefully shoving the plate in the sink and scrubbing it.

"You mean you don't want to tell me," Paige retorted, following with her own plate. "Let me guess, you met him on the street and he needed a home, so you just took him in without a single thought!"

"I'm not that naïve!" Rae snapped, scrubbing harder; damn ketchup stains. "And he's been here for weeks- He's not that much trouble!"

"Your microwave and television are missing!" Paige folded her arms. "What? You just decided to throw them out the window or something?" Rae did twitch this time. But she didn't answer. "For God's sake, Rae! What's next? Him taking _you_ in the middle of the night and going to heaven knows-"

"I can handle it myself!" Rae almost jumped when a hand suddenly gripped her wrist, the water shutting off. Kakashi pried the plate out of her hands and she realized there was a mark in the sink from her scratching the edge of the plate against it, along with a chip on the plate itself. Her fingers uncurled with a slight pain as the man quietly dried the plate, putting it away.

He walked out of the kitchen without another word, making Rae stare for a long moment. That was it? No silly comment, no bluntly-honest remark about this crazy woman backing her into a corner?

No help at _all_.

"Look, Rae." Paige suddenly put a hand on her shoulder, a worried look on her face. "I'm just worried. I know you can fight a little, but if he wanted to hurt you…"

"He hasn't." Rae shook off her hand, grabbing up the towel and drying her hands. "I'm just helping him for a little bit- he isn't mooching off my income, he cooks to make it up, and he's gone most of the time anyway."

"He has a job?" Paige's face was skeptical. Rae nodded slowly. Sure, he was the local Robin Hood. Kakashi told her he was going around in disguises now when he stole from robbers, but from the newspaper she'd been reading these days there was still a general knowledge of the dubbed 'One-Eyed Mask'.

It was apparently a joke of his to always pick a disguise and put his mask right over it whenever he thought he needed money again. Witnesses had different stories almost every time, but the dark mask never changed. And the fact he only had one eye open. It irked her how much he enjoyed when she read his stories out loud, but it was just a little too ironic to not share, really.

And Guruko and Pakkun enjoyed them too.

"He's a… businessman," she said out loud, glancing down to see Guruko looking up with an adorably concerned look on his muzzle. She couldn't help the slight smile as she bent down and rubbed his ears. "These are his dogs, Guruko and… Pakkun is somewhere. Isn't he sweet?" Paige eyed the animal that wagged his tail innocently. No, the blonde woman decided. It wasn't sweet. Because the little _beast_ had made several attempts to chew off her arms whenever she struggled too much.

But something told her if she told Rae the woman would still love the animal to pieces. While Rae was a good friend and all, she was just too infatuated with animals for her own good.

"When is he leaving?" Paige followed Rae into the living room, where she grabbed a pile at the edge of the couch and started towards her bedroom. Kakashi was sitting on the couch and chirped what sounded like 'thank you' in a heavy accent, but Rae ignored him as she stuffed the clothing in a large sack.

"Soon," Rae only grumbled, grabbing her own clothes strewn about as well. "No, I don't know when. But he only plans to stay here until he can get home, okay?"

"Where does he live?" Paige really didn't like the guy, and not just because he tied her up and sent his hellhounds after her.

There was always that universal rule of strangers, and Rae had never been one to forget it. But now it seemed it was up to Paige to make sure that Rae wasn't housing some kind of serial killer, or…

"Is he… blackmailing you or something?" Rae stopped at that, turning to stare at the blonde. Her mouth opened and closed as if trying to decide something, but after a moment she scoffed and turned away.

"No," she said flatly, but Paige noticed that her pepper spray was sitting beside her bed and ready to grab at a moment's notice. As was a baseball bat.

And Rae wasn't paranoid for no reason.

Kakashi was _so_ going down.

* * *

Rae's first instinct to Paige's 'request' to stay (she actually requested in much the same manner as Kakashi himself) was to say hell no. The last thing she wanted was the girl picking fights with the guest she didn't want and giving her grief about him day and night.

But the blonde had stormed out with a call that she would be back with her bags, sending one last glower to the man on the couch who was still rather idly lazing on it. Rae had honestly stopped thinking of it as her couch; the man just seemed to _ooze_ that kind of lazy possession.

Almost like a cat. The weirdo.

"That was very interesting," Kakashi said after Paige's stomping footsteps had faded. "Tell me, was that expected?"

"Never is," Rae growled, rubbing her temples. _Why_ was she friends with that loud siren again? She almost wanted to blame Kakashi for Paige's unusually louder countenance, but it seemed rather pointless.

Fictional ninja or not, the man just seemed to have certain habits. And while most of these habits were infuriating and deracinating to her life in general, half of them seemed to be from something Rae didn't want to think about. Or really believe. Especially his apparent skill with tying people up before they could even scream.

That was a cool skill. Unnecessary in general society, but the little tomboy in Rae really, really thought it was just plain awesome. Not that she'd ever say so, being a generally prideful person and having been on the wrong end of such skill, but still.

"She wants to stay." Kakashi blinked rather owlishly at that and Pakkun jerked from his lazing position.

"No way," the pug said flatly. Guruko huffed as Kakashi sighed.

"Well it's… your choice I suppose."

"No, it really isn't." With that, Rae went to her closet and began pulling out a large flap of rubber and cloth. She slapped it on the living room floor, pulling out a pump that she attached with difficulty.

"What's that?" Kakashi asked from the couch, eying the flat object with mild suspicion.

"An inflatable mattress." The man blinked rather slowly as if such an idea was rather inconceivable. "Something tells me Paige won't sleep on the floor." Rae straightened the hand pump, pulling up the handle and shoving it back down in rapid motions. "And I'm not putting the man with pointy objects on the balloon mattress. If she's going to invade my apartment and pick on my life, then she's going to be damn _happy_ with even this much," she concluded, glaring at the mattress that had barely lifted even a little. She growled under her breath and pumped harder, eyes narrowed and just _daring_ the infernal object to defy her wishes.

The second she paused, it went flat again.

"… I think it's broken," Kakashi observed. Guruko sniffed at it and wrinkled his muzzle in distaste.

"Broken my-" Rae began spitting and cursing in English, storming to the closet again and rummaging through objects of no concern until she produced a shiny roll of duct tape that she shook at the mattress in a silent declaration that it _would not_ get the best of her.

Kakashi only raised an eyebrow as she began taping down every abnormality she could find on the light surface, from wrinkles to seams to suspicious stains that seemed to be from some sort of poisonous food. By the time she'd finished it looked more silver than anything, but then she flipped it over and twitched vaguely.

The hole was actually a tear from old age and lack of use. And it was the only thing she hadn't taped. With a growled profanity, Rae began taping again. For good measure, she taped the entire thing several times over before taping even more of the surrounding surface, just to be sure.

"… Are you sure-"

"_Yes_, I am." Rae twitched her glare to the man that watched in mild bemusement. "This is how we fix things. Duct tape and WD-40. Tape for things that move when they shouldn't, and WD for things that don't move when they should." Kakashi nodded fairly seriously.

"And these balloon beds shouldn't move when you fill them with air," he concluded.

"Exactly." But when Rae filled it with air again the fabric was so stiff from the duct tape that it wouldn't inflate at all, only swelling unnaturally from the forced air.

"… But it should probably move enough to-"

"Shut it."

Paige returned with two bags on hand as Rae was still carefully peeling off layers of duct tape, pumping every moment in a futile attempt to inflate the mattress.

It took one moment for her to realize the situation and her expression went completely flat. "I am _not_ sleeping on that piece of crap." Rae didn't look up.

"You can't have the couch. He has it."

"So make him move!"

"I'd like to see _you_ try!" Paige considered, looking to the couch that the man was still sitting on with his dogs. All three gave her equal flat stares.

"… So where the heck am I supposed to sleep then?" she demanded, twitching faintly.

"_Your_ bed. In _your_ apartment. Not harassing my house guest under the guise of a sleepover!"

"Come on, you used to love sleepovers!"

"You always scared me awake and got me tangled in the blankets!"

"… Good times, huh?" Paige couldn't help her fond grin. Rae as a little kid… had been very, very funny. "I'm doing this for your own good. I scare the creep off, your problems are solved! No big deal." Rae snorted at that, looking partially amused.

"Yeah. Good luck with that." Paige eyed the man again, but he was flipping through a manga book with a quiet hum. A nerdy grown man with some kind of neurotic fear of germs, if the mask was anything to go by.

She wasn't sure how he'd done that thing with the gag, but after several replays in her mind she was sure it was just some kind of fluke. Sure, he looked like he worked out under his loose clothing, but he wasn't overly muscular or anything. She must have just been too panicked to realize him fumbling in his own anxiety.

"Yeah. I think I can handle it."

* * *

Heh heh... I snuck a Disney quote in there somewhere. Do you think I can get sued?

Anyway, not much action or anything. Just some general introduction. Paige Harris. Blonde, outgoing, overprotective. A little bit of a maneater, but for now she has her priorities. Getting rid of a masked creep in her friend's house.

The friendship between Rae and Paige isn't so much a friendship as it is Rae sulking and Paige dragging her along on some adventure or another. But they have their moments, I suppose.

... What? Is this based on the authoress' personal relationships? ... What... What makes you say that?

Anyway, I have a paper to type! Five more pages due tomorrow morning, go! TT_TT

Peace out.


End file.
